Denial
by AgentB81
Summary: Addison/Izzie Femslash! Title taken from the song 'Denial' by Sugababes. The doctor's struggle to come to terms with their feelings.


TITLE: Denial

TITLE: Denial  
AUTHOR: Sarah  
RATING: PG13  
PARINGS: Addison/Izzie  
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, none of it mine, unfortunately! Title and reference to lyrics from 'Denial' by Sugababes.  
WORD COUNT: 2000  
SUMMARY: Title says it all.

NOTES: Another one shot fic, another take on a potential Addie/Izzie relationship.

* * *

"_I didn't wanna fall in love with you, I didn't wanna know the things I knew, it wasn't 'til I looked into the mirror, denial."_

"Could you please stop singing, or at least sing more than those same lines."

"You're just jealous Cristina." Izzie scoffed.

"Of what?"

"My amazing voice." The blonde teased.

"You're far too happy, what's the matter? You getting laid?"

"No," Izzie sighed, "a very resounding, positive no."

"That's a shame, because you could have focused your energy on that instead of annoying the hell out of me."

"You're such a bore Cristina."

"Hey, take that back."

"No." Izzie grinned and looked over to the table in the far corner occupied by Dr Montgomery and Dr Sloan. Her face dropped and the blonde suddenly became melancholy, she knew it should have been her sat with the auburn haired beauty and not Mr Plastic Fantastic AKA McSteamy, AKA the mistress.

"Ok, what's up now, are you premenstrual? Because your mood swings are killing me."

Izzie slumped over the table, one minute she was happy as can be, the next she was miserable as sin, she could not go on like this, it was killing her slowly.

* * *

"Dr Stevens."

"Dr Montgomery." They greeted one another at the nurses station, Izzie, was filling charts whilst Addison sat researching on the computer. The blonde intern was trying to concentrate on what she was writing but could feel eyes burning her skin, she sneaked a peek upwards and caught her attending looking at her. Addison blushed having been found out, immediately diverting her gaze back to the screen in front of her. Izzie smirked, but was inwardly frustrated that the two of them would play this game of cat and mouse.

"Stevens?"

"Yep?" Izzie casually answered, not looking up from her chart. Addison bit her bottom lip as she looked over her glasses, she could potentially observe the young doctor all day, but she shook her head of her inappropriate and unwanted feelings. Because Izzie and Addison, that's just absurd.

"You want in on my surgery?" Addison asked.

"Sure, what is it?" the intern asked, eyes trained on the paper before her.

"A C-Section."

"A C-Section? Seriously is that it?" Izzie looked up from her chart.

Addison smirked, "Hey, a surgery is a surgery, and I was going to offer to assist you."

"Assist me? You mean I get to perform the surgery?"

"Sure, I think you're ready."

"You do?"

"Yeah, you've been working really hard lately and you deserve this." The redhead smiled encouragingly.

"Thank you so much." Izzie gushed, she fell for Addison just a little bit more in that moment.

"You're welcome." The attending affirmed.

* * *

The doctors and nurses were standing around the operating table.

"10 blade." Dr Stevens projected. She smiled as she said it, the joy evident in her eyes, she looked at her attending opposite, her bright blue eyes mirroring her own. This was Izzie's time to prove she was not just a pretty blonde with a hot body and a killer rack, she was a doctor, a good doctor and Dr Addison Montgomery, one of the best neonatal surgeons in the country believed in her abilities. She was walking on proverbial water right now. She looked to the gallery to see if any of her friends were there to support her. There was a solitary figure leaning against the window frame. Izzie's expression changed, her smile dropped, her eyes lost their fire, she forced her eyes to the scalpel she was holding in her hand, willing herself to concentrate on the pregnant woman on the table before her. Addison had witnessed the shift in Izzie's mood, one minute she was in a bubble of excitement, the next it had visibly popped and the blonde was plummeting. The attending turned to see the object of Izzie's displacement, Mark Sloan. Time for damage control.

"Dr Stevens? Izzie, Izzie, look at me." Addison ordered. Izzie looked up into Addison's eyes. "You've seen me do this a thousand times, I wouldn't have asked you to do this if you couldn't do it." The redhead reassured. Izzie saw the belief in Addison's eyes and took a moment to steady herself, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes she was ready and inserted the scalpel into the base of the patient's stomach.

* * *

The surgery was a success, Izzie was buzzing, she had never felt euphoria like it.

"Dr Stevens, that was a text book surgery, congratulations." Addison said as she approached the nurses station, removing her scrub cap.

"Thank you so much for the opportunity Dr Montgomery."

"I think you proved you are more than capable. Have you decided which service to apply for?" Addison looked into Izzie's eyes.

"This one, for sure." The young intern beamed. "I've been thinking about it for a while and today practically made up my mind. You're an awesome teacher Addison." She smiled.

Addison blushed slightly, she was proud of her protégée, she moved closer and patted Izzie's shoulder the electric shooting through both of them. She left her hand there as she spoke into Izzie's ear, "It helped having a high calibre student in you." Izzie turned her head to look at her attending, ensuring what she heard was not just fantasy like so many other times before. She could feel Addison's steady, cool breath on her face, their mouths inches apart, both slightly open as if about to say something. Addison's lazy eyes seeking Izzie's, for what? A pager went off, tearing the two doctors apart. The moment clearly interrupted and trickling away quickly.

"It's mine. Bailey" the blonde shrugged and with that Izzie was headed to the pit.

Addison was left to ponder what had just transpired with the blonde. There had been similar moments previously, numerous glances, little touches, the occasional daydream, it was driving the attending crazy, why was she feeling like this when she was supposed to be dating Mark. 'Supposed to be' she scoffed, she knew they were going through the motions, together because she felt as though they should be, for the sake of history? Was it really worth it? It had to be, if only to rid herself of the impure thoughts she frequently had of a former model. She shook her head and focused herself back on her work.

* * *

"So, you led a surgery? That's pretty cool."

"Oh come on it was a C-Section, any one of us could do that in our sleep."

"Don't be so rude Cristina, you're just jealous."

"How did it go Izzie?"

"Great, really great. When that baby was born, I can't explain the feeling, it was overwhelming." Izzie gushed.

"Congratulations Iz." Meredith offered.

"Yeah, to Izzie." George raised his bottle and the interns clinked theirs against it.

"_I didn't wanna fall in love with you, I didn't wanna know the things I knew, it wasn't 'til I looked into the mirror, denial."_

"Oh please god no," Cristina recognised the lyrics of the song. "Iz, your stupid song is on."

Addison turned her head at the sound of clanging glass. She saw the interns congratulating their friend on her successful day in surgery, the attending felt like she should be celebrating with Izzie. _"I didn't wanna fall in love with you," _She briefly caught Izzie's eye and offered her a warm smile before turning her attention back to Mark. "_I didn't wanna know the things I knew"_

"She did a great job if you want to go over there I don't mind."

"No it's ok, she looks like she's having fun with her friends, besides, it would defeat the object of us coming out to spend time together."

"You mean physically or mentally, because Addie, lately you've been with me in body but not mind. What's going on?" Mark asked anxiously.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Addison defended.

"Addie, something's going on, I feel like we don't connect anymore, that we're just together out of habit or something. Are you seeing someone else?"

"What did you just say?"

"I asked if you were seeing someone else."

"I can't believe this. Not everyone is like you Mark Sloan." Addison stood, her voice rising with her height.

"Addie . . ."

"No, just no." Addison put up a hand as she stormed into the bathroom.

Izzie had watched the exchange discreetly from afar, pretending to be engaged in the conversation around her. She jumped up off her seat when she Addison disappear into the back. "Bathroom," she explained, "I'll be right back." The other interns continued their discussion, barely noticing the blonde's absence.

* * *

She approached the bathroom door slowly, wondering if she was doing the right thing, her arm outstretched in front of her. She made contact with the solid oak and pushed slowly, she had no idea what she was doing or what she was going to say. She felt the gravitational pull of Addison as she had fled Mark looking somewhat upset. The door continued to open, feeling like an eternity, an entirety of scenarios playing out in her mind. Before she knew it she was standing in the middle of the bathroom, she looked up, past the back of the attending and into brilliant blue eyes. "_it wasn't 'til I looked into the mirror, denial."_

"I, err, are you ok?" the blonde asked.

"Yes, no, I, I really don't know."

"Is it anything I can help with?" Izzie asked, approaching the counter Addison was stood at.

Addison laughed at the irony, "I suppose you could to a certain extent."

Izzie sighed, "Addison I have to tell you something."

"No, Izzie, you don't, you don't have to."

"I do, I can't do this anymore."

"Please don't Izzie." Addison knew exactly what Izzie would say and right now, she could not risk hearing it, once it was out there, there was no going back, there was too much at risk.

"Addie," Izzie breathed as she moved closer to the blonde, Addison closed her eyes, _'this cannot be happening'_ she thought to herself. She felt a warm hand touch her own, scooping it up and gently pulling her around. "Addie," Izzie repeated, her breath washing over Addison's skin like a summer breeze, "look at me." Addison shaked her auburn hair, afraid of what would happen should she open her eyes. She felt Izzie's hand on her cheek, "I didn't want to fall in love with you, I didn't want to know the things I knew." Addison's eyes opened at the familiar words, the redhead took over "It wasn't till I looked in the mirror, denial." The words rung true, they were swirling round Addison's head making her dizzy, she could hear the rest of the words and the beat thudding through the floorboards, _"Cynical and hurt was just me, you were never supposed to be part of what I would call amazing,"_ Izzie leaned closer, the air between them becoming thinner, the attending anticipating and then it happened, a searing jolt of electricity elicited a guttural moan from the redhead as their lips met in a heated clash. Addison was losing herself in Izzie, she had wanted this for so long but so afraid to admit she had feelings for the intern. Izzie had turned her world upside down, she did not know how she was supposed to feel, the blonde had paid her copious amounts of attention, had offered small but hugely significant gestures, she had shown enthusiasm to her service and she was the most beautiful, caring person Addison had ever had the pleasure of meeting. And now she was kissing her, months of wasted energy, released in a single, life defining moment.

"_Took so long to finally see" _Addison smiled into the kiss, _'so true'_, she thought.


End file.
